making a habit of it

Habits are hard to establish, but once they've worked their way in, they are hard to break. They might be good habits, in which case it's great to be a creature of habit. If the habits are bad, which is a judgment call, then really, you need to find a new habit to replace them with.

For instance, I had a habit of drinking wine with my dinner just about every night, which was quite pleasant really. But it became a very bad habit as my (faulty) judgment called out for more. But early this year I decided that this was going to have to stop. It was surprisingly difficult for about a week, and then it was fine. Now I have water with my dinner and usually some tea after. I judge this to be a good habit so I'll keep it. I also deduce there were a lot of calories in wine, because I've lost a few pounds. I'm not against having a glass now and then with friends, but no longer at home. That just seems wise. Being wise also seems a good habit to get into.

Interestingly, it was no more difficult giving up wine than it was to let sugar go, as I did several years ago. I was in the bad habit of putting sugar or honey in my tea and coffee. I had a bad coffee habit too, so there was a lot of sugar pouring in. It was especially difficult to drink unsweetened coffee without much grimacing, but after a week the stuff started to taste good again. And interestingly, candy and chocolate bars became disgustingly sweet, and the taste of fruit became wonderful. So sweet!

Lately I have the habit of going to the Grouse Grind. This is a good habit (or an obsession, but I'm not ready to deal with my OCD just yet) as it is helping me to be healthy. But it's maybe a bad habit in that it takes up a lot of time, and I let other things slip. This I'll have to work out. There are other things I need to do as well.

I've been trying to get into the habit of writing regularly. I have read that this is essential to any writing practice. I habitually read lots, but forget to shake the cobwebs off my pen. Writing is very hard to make habitual, because it requires work. Drinking coffee without sugar doesn't require work, and drinking water and tea instead of wine doesn't really require work either (less, really, as water is much cheaper than wine). The Grind takes work, but the thing is once your in it, it's hard to stop. After a certain point going down is quite painful, so you just have to finish.

I think maybe writing is much like the Grind. I feel very good when I'm in the middle of both. (People might not believe me about the Grind, but it's true.) And I feel very virtuous, like I've done something useful, when I get to the end of an hour and some of hiking. Writing too. They are different, but similar.

Last week I took a class at SFU to try and ease myself into a habit of writing every day. Creative writing, actual generation of stories. It's hard work. Fixing the stuff once it's printed out in a heap of paper is easier. But it's getting a story down onto paper that's the challenge. (Onto a computer screen a well, as my erratic entries here indicate, but that's another habit I'm working on.)

I always know where I am when I'm on the Grind; you'd think that would be true of writing too, but there lies a big difference. You never know whether the story you think you are writing is the one that's going to come out of you. And you might think there'd be more excitement on the Grind (forest, potential bears, mountainside) but really it's quite routine. More like climbing stairs, albeit with a nicer view. Discovering characters hiding around corners, or popping out of cars, can be exciting too, and this happened last week at SFU, when I was sitting in a room with other people, and couldn't do anything else except keep slogging with my hand holding a pen. Uphill, but then this kid slipped out of my pen and onto the page...

The problem with writing, unfortunately, is that you can usually get up and walk away without falling off anything or wrecking your knees. So the habit is peculiarly more difficult to establish. Last week was a good, if pricey start, but not sustainable. I'm going to have to go it alone, and find some way of establishing, for myself, a duration of time I can't walk away from.

I think this will be a good habit to have. I just need to work at it. Because I do have a story to tell. I mean, it might end up in a bottom drawer, the way I hear first novels often do, but so what. I'll feel so virtuous, having made it to the end.